*enters stage left while doing a kickflip on a skateboard before pulling up in front of you, taking off their sunglasses to reveal a second pair of sunglasses* 🛹
Blazing Blog Billy here with a TOTALLY RAD NITRO NEWSFLASH: Four incredibly cool new features are on their way to Nitro subscribers! (Nitroooooooh yyeeeahh!)
We’ve got SUPER REACTIONS. We’ve got SOUNDBOARD. You might even already be using Nitro’s new color THEMES if you’re a rad enough person — all of these and more are coming to DISCORD NITRO.
Plus, add some funky flair to your Discord profile icon with new seasonal AVATAR DECORATIONS. It’s like sticker-bombing your FACE. Your CIRCLE-SHAPED VIRTUAL FACE, because you’re definitely not a SQUARE.
Never heard of Discord Nitro before? We’ve got the lowdown: it’s our, uh… *looks at the tiny note scribbled inside their palm*... “premium subscription offering that enhances your self-expression abilities and helps you unleash more fun with your friends. With more perks than ever before, there’s never been a better time to check out Discord Nitro!”
I gotta get goin’, y’all — the actual Discord employees are here to talk about the cool Nitro perks they made. See you on the (kick)flipside.
*exits stage right, skating away in a way that’s cooler than you can comprehend*